The daily grind

Having well and truly returned to the real world after my travels earlier this year, the challenges of everyday are getting me down. I have yet another cold (seems to go with working in a hospital!), it's cold, wet and dull everyday- surely winter is nearly over? work has been one sad story after another, and Pilot P's roster has seen him away far more than at home.

I am fiercely independent, which as a partner of a long-haul pilot is an advantage, however, it's hard to find a balance. How do you be the independent, resourceful person when they're away and then turn on the girly affection the instant they return? It just seems to take me a while to adjust each time Pilot P returns from a trip. I know he finds this hard too. I worry that I should miss him more when he's away and yet I know it's a good thing that I cope so well on my own. I wonder if I'm still guarding myself a bit, you know the way you try to protect yourself from being hurt but can end up pushing people away?

It's hard to sort out how I'm feeling when there is this constant upheaval of coming and going. I have the tendency to over analyse and sometimes I know I just need to step back and 'go with the flow'. Easy to say but how to make it happen?

Everyday life is obviously 'the reality' and for a relationship to work it has to work in the everyday. Sometimes it seems so hard to give it the chance as our jobs, family and other commitments require so much of our energy. I know that I have been happier in recent times than I have been for a long time, but these past few weeks I feel myself drifting down. It's that cascade that as one thing goes bad, its seems that other things follow. I need to snap out of it and choose my attitude. I do believe that so many things in life come down to a simple choice in our attitude and how we approach and respond to challenges. I feel like I transfer my negativity into my interactions with Pilot P. I want to be a happy and positive presence but I'm finding it hard at the moment. Off I go with all these thoughts still spinning in my head...