Having well and truly returned to the real world after my travels earlier this year, the challenges of everyday are getting me down. I have yet another cold (seems to go with working in a hospital!), it's cold, wet and dull everyday- surely winter is nearly over? work has been one sad story after another, and Pilot P's roster has seen him away far more than at home.
I am fiercely independent, which as a partner of a long-haul pilot is an advantage, however, it's hard to find a balance. How do you be the independent, resourceful person when they're away and then turn on the girly affection the instant they return? It just seems to take me a while to adjust each time Pilot P returns from a trip. I know he finds this hard too. I worry that I should miss him more when he's away and yet I know it's a good thing that I cope so well on my own. I wonder if I'm still guarding myself a bit, you know the way you try to protect yourself from being hurt but can end up pushing people away?
It's hard to sort out how I'm feeling when there is this constant upheaval of coming and going. I have the tendency to over analyse and sometimes I know I just need to step back and 'go with the flow'. Easy to say but how to make it happen?
Everyday life is obviously 'the reality' and for a relationship to work it has to work in the everyday. Sometimes it seems so hard to give it the chance as our jobs, family and other commitments require so much of our energy. I know that I have been happier in recent times than I have been for a long time, but these past few weeks I feel myself drifting down. It's that cascade that as one thing goes bad, its seems that other things follow. I need to snap out of it and choose my attitude. I do believe that so many things in life come down to a simple choice in our attitude and how we approach and respond to challenges. I feel like I transfer my negativity into my interactions with Pilot P. I want to be a happy and positive presence but I'm finding it hard at the moment. Off I go with all these thoughts still spinning in my head...
Wednesday 11 August 2010
Friday 4 June 2010
A global world
I sit here, some time since I last wrote, with my pilot currently somewhere in Asia, my parents in Europe and having myself recently returned from South America. My Grandmother does not understand our interest in travel. Each time someone in the family announces a new trip she asks 'why do you want to go there?'. She likes to tell people that she has been overseas and doesn't understand the fuss. Her 'overseas' experience was a short flight to a nearby island some 60 years ago. It is an amazing time we live in when we can fly virtually anywhere in the world within a day. My ancestors spent months on a boat to travel a distance I have flown multiple times taking only 20 something hours. My partner's job involves spending a couple of days in various continents each roster. How the concept of travel has changed in just a couple of generations.
My pilot's best mate (N) , also a pilot, has recently split up with his girlfriend (A). I was saddened by this as I have become good friends with them both and really enjoy their company. It seems that one of the main issues behind them spliting was her difficulty in trusting him to be faithful when away. That terrible stereotype of pilots playing around when away from home. Unfortunately it would seem that some of N's friends were enjoying the freedom and 'socialising' on trips and A was aware of these events and had trouble believing that it wasn't all the pilots behaving in this way. I am sure there were other reasons they split and perhaps they were just not meant to be but I hate that the 'unfaithful pilot' issue reared its ugly head in this situation.
The travels I mentioned above in South America were with my pilot. Would you believe it was his first time traveling in international economy. All of his previous international flying has been up the pointy end of the jet or duty travel in business class. Welcome to the real world Pilot P!! We spent an amazing 2 months exploring such contrasting places. From the crazy Rio Carnival to the wilderness of Patagonia and the harshness of the Andes. We saw and did some amazing things. There were challenges though. With P's work schedule, we are not accustomed to spending such a long period of time together and the kind of travelling we were doing was intense. We were within 50 metres of each other virtually the whole time. All those cute little quirks in each other suddenly become rather irritating and the stress of fatigue, lack of sleep, exhausting activites and occasional illness saw us not always being very patient with one another. To add to the challenge we were often camping either in the oppressive humidity of Brazil or the bitter cold of Chile. We got through it though, and have some amazing memories of shared experiences and achievements! We are now back into our usual routine of crazy work schedules and looking forward to our time together.
Today I received my new phone. Yep, I have joined the cult. Having resisted for quite a long time, I finally gave in and got myself an iphone. I love it and wonder how I have been living without one! All the possiblities....... I think I shall have to go and play with my new toy!
My pilot's best mate (N) , also a pilot, has recently split up with his girlfriend (A). I was saddened by this as I have become good friends with them both and really enjoy their company. It seems that one of the main issues behind them spliting was her difficulty in trusting him to be faithful when away. That terrible stereotype of pilots playing around when away from home. Unfortunately it would seem that some of N's friends were enjoying the freedom and 'socialising' on trips and A was aware of these events and had trouble believing that it wasn't all the pilots behaving in this way. I am sure there were other reasons they split and perhaps they were just not meant to be but I hate that the 'unfaithful pilot' issue reared its ugly head in this situation.
The travels I mentioned above in South America were with my pilot. Would you believe it was his first time traveling in international economy. All of his previous international flying has been up the pointy end of the jet or duty travel in business class. Welcome to the real world Pilot P!! We spent an amazing 2 months exploring such contrasting places. From the crazy Rio Carnival to the wilderness of Patagonia and the harshness of the Andes. We saw and did some amazing things. There were challenges though. With P's work schedule, we are not accustomed to spending such a long period of time together and the kind of travelling we were doing was intense. We were within 50 metres of each other virtually the whole time. All those cute little quirks in each other suddenly become rather irritating and the stress of fatigue, lack of sleep, exhausting activites and occasional illness saw us not always being very patient with one another. To add to the challenge we were often camping either in the oppressive humidity of Brazil or the bitter cold of Chile. We got through it though, and have some amazing memories of shared experiences and achievements! We are now back into our usual routine of crazy work schedules and looking forward to our time together.
Today I received my new phone. Yep, I have joined the cult. Having resisted for quite a long time, I finally gave in and got myself an iphone. I love it and wonder how I have been living without one! All the possiblities....... I think I shall have to go and play with my new toy!
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